Humble Pie

After my last post I had a little bit of a run in with one of the items bashed within its paragraphs. It wasn't with Mexican cartels, despite my best efforts for armed confrontation.
I started feeling like I had a scratchy allergy throat last Monday night. Sara(my hot girlfriend), says to me that she thinks I'm getting sick. I dismiss this and continue on my way. That night I got a huge fever and kept it for almost three days. She finally took me to the Doctor on Wednesday and I get the throat and nose swab. I literally cough in the ladies face who took the sample. Twenty minutes later the Doc comes in and won't get anywhere near me. He tells me I have Type A flu. He then draws out a diagram and says the only type of flu going around from Type A is the dreaded Swine Flu. I looked at him like he must be joking and that it's not nice to joke about such a thing. I am thinking this right as he hands me a face mask and sends me on my merry way. Apparently I got lucky, there is only one type of Anti-viral that still fights Swine Flu and I luckily am not allergic to it.
That was easily the sickest I've ever been my entire life. That fever is sooo brutal it belongs at a Dethklok concert! Now I'm doing fine but still coughing up lots of weird stuff. The moral of the story is, don't blog about global pandemics that you can easily get. This was a decent serving of humble pie!

Mexico, Swine Flu, and Cartels. "VIVA MEXICO!!"

I have to agree with Joe on this one, Swine Flu is being blown way out of proportion. I think it is an epidemic at current but far from a global pandemic. The last time I checked HIV was killing 40 million humans not Swine Flu. I fear that it will mutate, much like everything else in Mexico. If you have not watched Telemundo lately I would encourage you not to.
Every exaggeration and stereo typing done on Mexico is absolutely %100 true. Bumble Bee Man on the Simpson's is a spitting image of any given character on Mexican TV. Generalisimo on 30 Rock is also right on the money for Latin American TV.
I would say in general Mexico is possibly the only place on planet Earth where you get crappier TV than Russia, worse diarrhea than the Middle East, and stomach staple surgeries with horse steroids from the same doctor for under $1,000.

So let's review the damage, aside from the drunk Mexicans pictured in the slide below....

1-Disney movies suck(this has been my opinion my entire life). "Babe" the pig came from Mexico and is no doubt a carrier of Swine Flu, at least in the directors cut anyway. Totally lame movie, even for the rug rats. At least the infected monkey in the movie Outbreak was totally bad ass! The infected monkey even pulled of a Clint Eastwood style escape from the pet shop! All Disney could muster was a pig, a frog, and some queer looking bird on a gay 90 minute homo adventure, nice....

2- The best thing to ever happen to Mexican PR is Bumble Bee Man. He has more heart than the guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Obama has alot of empty cabinet slots and BBM would be an excellent choice for Secretary of the I.N.S. I'll even bet money that BBM paid more in taxes than Geitner, Rangle, and Daschle put together. (Did I mention BBM doesn't exist in real life? Much like the latter's tax contributions.)


3- America has its gang and drug problems, but in Mexico, the gang and drug cartels have free reign in anything they wish. I can't stop thinking about how lame gangs are in general.(This is a hardcore cartel gang pictured below, possibly in Texas somewhere.)

4-Some might say "Adam, be careful saying that, they might be upset if they hear that". To that I say, Mom leave me alone! You totally didn't knock on my door first before entering with my laundry, and you don't know how many room rules you are breaking right now! Then she looks around for a while to make sure I'm not "doing the Marijuana".

Okay so maybe I don't live with my mom or let her do my laundry, but that's what would have been said had she came into my apartment offering her tidbits of "Helpy Helperton" information. My mom rules! Did I mention that me and my sister Julie decided years ago that Trudy is also a "Robo-Hostess" to our friends and guests growing up? It's true, best mom ever.
Sorry this last paragraph was not Mexico related, please forgive me for my incredulity. ( Super Sweet off limits Kitty picture though right?)

Combat Engineering

I've been done with active duty for over a year now. The Army Reserve isn't so bad now that I look at it. Coming from elite units in the Army I have a huge tendency to think I'm better and know more than Reservists. But last weekend we went out to Camp Williams in Draper and did some cool stuff.
As a Combat Engineer we clear and set minefields, dismantle roadside bombs, and make conventional armies hate life. I have never played with more explosives and been more excited to play with clay. Only this clay(not really clay but more of a taffy) can blow steel I-beams in half with the right skill.
The first day we went from our base to the drop off point in armored personnel carriers. We dismounted and walked 5-6 clicks. It was here where we blew up a footbridge, made anti-personnel bombs with C4 and screws, and listened to the massive explosions from close up. Not a bad field problem in my opinion. You can't really have a bad weekend when you detonate hundreds of pounds of C4 plastic explosive on whatever you feel is threatening.

Myspace is retarded.

Well after reading the URL name of my blog no doubt you suspect that I am an "R-Tard" as the World of Warcraft players would call them. World of Warcraft(which I am most certainly NOT a player of) will no doubt be slammed by me in a future posting, for now I must conquer Myspace.
Myspace...the master key for hook ups and booty callings. This site has been used by fellow troops to secure strange meetings with strange,mulleted women throughout the South. I retired my page about a year ago and have not looked back since.
I figure since everyone else has a blog spot I might as well jump on board. As much as I love being solicited by old women and teen girls on Myspace I figure there has to be a better way to keep up with friends and family. Also its great to have my own web address with something Mad Max related.
Enjoy,
The Management

If Obama wants to win me over during an energy crisis he would appoint Master Blaster to Secretary of Energy. Remember "no energy, no town"!